


Chains and Things We Can't Untie

by MaryEvH



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-23
Updated: 2016-04-23
Packaged: 2018-06-04 01:33:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,469
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6635617
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MaryEvH/pseuds/MaryEvH
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Haunted by his memories of the Time War, the Doctor finds solace in conversation with a companion. 10/Rose one-shot, brief descriptions of Time War violence. General Audiences.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Chains and Things We Can't Untie

_Fire._

_Darkness._

_Death._

_Blood._

_The screams of dying women and children._

_These things were all the Doctor could see and hear, all around him. Gallifrey was burning everywhere he looked. The Dalek invasion had finally come to the heart of the capitol; the Time Lords were a lost cause._

_And what had he done to stop it? Nothing._

_“Doctor!” He heard an innocent voice cry out his name. “Doctor, save us!” they called repeatedly, in all directions. Men, women, children – everywhere, he heard his name on all sides. After someone would call his name, he could hear them screaming in pain as the Daleks killed them._

_He whipped around like a man hemmed in, trying to find the sources of the sounds. Perhaps now he could do something to stop the madness – yes, perhaps he could change the fixed point, he could save his people…the costs would be worth it, wouldn’t they?_

_“I’m coming!” he shouted, running in no direction at all. He was resolved to save the Time Lords, no matter the cost to himself. “ Where are you? I’m coming!”_

_“Doctor! Doctor!” he heard their cries, and subsequent screams of pain as they all died._

_“Yes, I’m coming! Tell me where you are!” he cried desperately._

_“Doctor! Doctor!” they continued calling, until their voices were overtaken by the mechanical grate of the Daleks. “DOCTOR! DOCTOR! WE HAVE LOCATED THE DOCTOR!” He heard one of the Cult of Skaro shouting as it flew towards him. “EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE!”_

The Doctor shot bolt upright in bed with a strangled yell, panting and drenched in a cold sweat. He looked around in a panic before remembering that he was in his bed, in his bedroom on the TARDIS. A bittersweet mixture of grief and relief filled him as he relaxed into his pillows. It was only a dream, thank whatever gods were out there, but his people were all still dead…

He ran a hand over his new face, breathing deeply and trying to calm his still-racing hearts. The Time War had been haunting him for 100 years, and the wounds were still as fresh as the day the War began. Shaking his head to clear it – he was suddenly thankful for the last regeneration that got rid of those bloody ridiculous ears – he got up and walked to the console room. He knew this feeling all too well; getting back to sleep would be impossible now. It always was when he had a nightmare about the War.

 _Stop it, you fool,_ he chided himself. _Thinking about the War won’t change what happened. What you didn’t do._

“Doctor?” a much quieter voice asked from behind him, but he still jumped at the sound of his name. He relaxed when it was only Rose, still in her pajamas and yawning, her voice heavy with sleep.

“Rose?” he asked softly when his surprise had faded. “What are you doing up?” he added, not unkindly.

“I could ask you the same thing,” she chuckled, rubbing her eyes. “You’re having nightmares again, aren’t you?”

The Doctor was quick to chuckle and shake his head. “No, I’m fine,” he said as nonchalantly as he could. “Why would you think that?”

“Because I could hear you yelling in your sleep from the other side of the hall,” she said softly. “Please, be honest with me. Are you having the nightmares again?”

He looked away from her and slowly nodded. He couldn’t bear to meet her eyes. “They won’t go away,” he admitted in a small voice. “It’s been 100 years, Rose, and I still can’t get over what happened.”

“What happened this time?” she asked softly, crossing the room to him and putting an arm around his shoulders.

The Doctor took a deep breath as he and Rose gently sat down under the console. “I was back in the thick of the Time War…it was utter chaos everywhere, exactly like it was the day I had to destroy Gallifrey.” He paused, still breathing deeply and slowly as he looked down. “I could hear the Time Lords calling my name on all sides, begging me to save them…but every time they did, a Dalek would come along and kill them. When I tried to find them, I came face-to-face with a Dalek from the Cult of Skaro…and it killed me, too. That was when I woke up.”

His companion sighed softly in pity and hugged him a little tighter. “I’m so sorry, Doctor.” He numbly put an arm around her shoulders, as if to reassure himself that the 19-year-old girl on his TARDIS was real. She was quick to hug him back, running a hand comfortingly up and down his shoulder blade. The Doctor gradually relaxed into her embrace, allowing himself to put an arm around her in kind. He was afraid of the loss he knew would come whenever he got attached to someone – he would always be the Lonely God, and nothing could make that change.

Rose pulled away from the embrace, startling him out of his dark reverie. “Come on to the kitchen; I’ve got an idea,” she grinned, stretching out her back and standing up to her full height once she was out from underneath the console.

The Doctor skeptically followed suit, not knowing what she was planning as she took his hand and walked him to the large kitchen off the console room. “Rose, er…” he muttered. “What are you doing?” His young companion just smiled as she got a kettle and started boiling water.

“My mum would always make hot cocoa for the both of us when I had nightmares as a little girl,” she explained. “Then she’d sit at the kitchen table with me and we’d talk about it until I could go back to sleep.”

He couldn’t help but smile. Rose always knew how to make him feel better. “Cocoa powder’s in the cabinet to the right of the sink,” he said, yawning slightly as he sat down at the table.

“Marshmallows?”

“Of course.”

The Doctor sat quietly at the table and watched her walk around the kitchen, getting out mugs, cocoa powder, and marshmallows as they waited for the water to boil. He was 900 years old, and he couldn’t remember meeting a more beautiful, strong, independent young woman. Even from his earliest interactions with Rose, he had been impressed by her resilience and strength – some might even call it stubbornness.

Sooner than he expected, the whistling kettle pulled him out of his thoughts. Rose was quick to pick it up and pour enough water into each mug. The smell of cocoa quickly filled his nose, and the Doctor inhaled deeply. “Smells incredible,” he noted, grinning.

Rose smiled as she stirred the powder and marshmallows in. “I’m glad you think so,” she smiled, walking over with both of them in hand, setting one down in front of the Doctor.

She had picked up two mugs with markings in Old High Gallifreyan on them; the Doctor gently stroked the markings as he took a sip of his cocoa. He felt a slight pang of grief as he read his beloved granddaughter’s name on the side of the mug. He missed Susan so much.

“Doctor?” Rose asked softly. “What’s wrong?”

He knew there was no hiding his pain this time. She had picked up on it so quickly, as she always did. “This…is my granddaughter’s name,” he murmured softly, showing her the markings on the mug. “Susan; that was her name,” he said a little absentmindedly. “She traveled with me for a little while, when I first stole this TARDIS.”

“What…happened to her?” Rose asked softly.

The Doctor took a drink of his cocoa before answering. “She eventually settled on Earth in the 22nd century…she lived happily there for a long time.” He paused. “But she ended up going back to Gallifrey to fight in the Time War. That was when she died.”

Rose’s face took on a sympathetic look again, and she gently placed a hand over his on the table. “I’m so sorry, Doctor.”

The Doctor continued to look down at his hot cocoa; he couldn’t bear to meet her gaze. “I lost so many that day…I lost my family, and my entire race,” he said softly. “That was the hardest day of my life, and I can’t get it out of my head, no matter how hard I try.” She moved around to sit next to him at the table, wrapping an arm around his shoulders. His sweet Rose; what would he do without her?

“I’m always here, Doctor,” she murmured in his ear. “And I’m not leaving any time soon.”

For the first time that night, he managed a smile, reaching out to hug her again. “Thank you, Rose.”


End file.
